As a Mother of two kids under two, shit is pretty intense right now. I am needed by two small humans all day and all night all the time. It is constant, non stop, exhausting and all consuming. Then, when I finally get he kids off me, the fiancé wants to get on me… and I remember, I am not just a Mother but also his partner. I wish I shaved my legs and brushed my hair for him more often for him. Yep, That’s my life summed up, so where do My needs come in?

I am totally guilty of not putting myself first.

I don’t eat as well as I want to.

I don’t see my friends nearly as much as I want to.

Like, I don’t even shower as much as I want to.

This results in being overweight, lonely and smelly. Not a winning at life combination.

Now I can easily hide behind all this or I can do some thing about it but when I try to, there are more buts in the way! Example, I haven’t had my hair done in two years, without a full time job how can I justify the expense? My first grey came in (just one!) so I decided to use some of my fiancé’s Xmas bonus money on getting my hair done. Now I feel guilty. I feel like that money should go on the never ending list of things the kids need or the car that failed it’s warrant blah blah. Guilty thoughts running through my head of undone, greying hair..

Then I sit here and I read all of this and think, bloody hell woman, stop being a smelly excuse maker and start being the fit, healthy, confident woman your children will look up to and be proud of. I kind of am, I try, I do yoga to switch off at night and make juice in the morning but I am slack a’ lackin in so many ways. I am not who I want to be. I wonder if any Mum is who they want to be? Probably not. But (this one is a good firm but), but I know what makes me feel good. This is what I need to do more of. The first step is to do more of what makes me feel good and do that every day. Because life is just what you do everyday.

So it’s not so much about the end result as it is about the everyday journey to get to be the person that you want to be.

Everyday I want to eat tons of real food because you can’t feel bad about a body which you’re nourishing.

Everyday I want to walk/gym/yoga because a strong body will take me further in life.

Everyday I want to shower. Because I smell. So I probably should.

I hope you have done something today which you are proud of, which is a step in the right direction to where you want to be. I guess it’s kind of a similar philosophy as “fake it until you make it” except it’s like, live it & be it until you feel like you are not a fraud anymore.